As a thirty-two-year-old virgin, I haven’t used sex as a weapon. Yet. But I soon will.
I’m not talking about denying my soon-to-be husband sex because he hasn’t lifted a finger around the house or complimented me often enough. I don’t intend to use sex as a weapon against my husband; I intend to wield the weapon of sex against Satan.
Where’d I get a crazy idea like that?
As an engaged woman preparing for marriage, I’m reading This Momentary Marriage by John Piper. In it, Piper suggests that “faith makes use of sexual intercourse as a means of grace.”
Wait. Whaaaaaat? Where’d he come up with that crazy idea?
You’ve probably read 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 before, but pay particular attention to the last line:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Scripture seems to indicate that when a husband and wife don’t come together regularly, they slap a target on each others’ backs. And on the flip side, when they do delight in one another, they wreck Satan’s sinister plans. John Piper continues:
A married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible. Is it not a mark of amazing grace that on top of all the pleasure that the sexual side of marriage brings, it also proves to be a fearsome weapon against our ancient foe?
This should not surprise us. Marriage at its exquisite peak of pleasure speaks powerfully the truth of covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. And that love is the most powerful force in the world. It is not surprising then that Satan’s defeat, Christ’s glory, and our pleasure should come together in this undefiled marriage bed.
Sex is not a weapon to use against your spouse—or to use your spouse for. Sex is a weapon to use against Satan as you passionately and lovingly pursue your spouse. Why not glorify God, fight Satan, and delight in each other all at the same time?
(I recognize we live in a fallen world, so you can probably come up with plenty of reasons not to have sex with your husband. If one of those reasons is his sexual addiction, I recommend seeking help from Pure Desire Ministries.)
I’d be honored to hear from you. If you’re a married Christian, are you using sex as a weapon against our ancient foe? And if not, what’s your greatest obstacle to doing so?
Paula (Hendricks) Marsteller is a compassionate, bold Christian communicator offering you gospel hope, thought-provoking questions, and practical help along the way.
Great article, Paula. Yes, sex is a weapon my husband and I have been faithfully and enthusiastically wielding for 28 years now. Days missed are definitely the exception rather than the rule. I think that fact, coupled with our habit of always praying together before intimacy, has gone a long way toward keeping our marriage strong, our bodies healthy, and our minds unencumbered by stress or anxiety.
That is so encouraging to hear, Jennifer. Thank you for your godly example!