Are you done “losing” in dating relationships? I sure am. I’ve recently started dating, and I’m certain this relationship is going to be a “win.” How can I be so sure?
Not because I know for certain I’m going to marry this guy. Of course, that’s the desired outcome. But marriage isn’t the goal.
If marriage is the goal of dating, then any dating relationship that doesn’t end in marriage is a failure. But if the goal of dating is learning to love another, then even if that relationship doesn’t end in marriage, it will have been worth it. I mean, come on, who doesn’t need to grow in love?!
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7).
So I’m having a little competition with my boyfriend, Trevor. We’re taking Romans 12:10 seriously. You might call it our north star:
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
See, the goal in singleness and the goal in marriage isn’t as different as we make it out to be. The goal is learning to love another flawed human being with Christ’s unconditional love.
You know what’s really cool? As I practice loving my boyfriend well, I see that same pattern seeping into other relationships. As I seek to “outdo him in showing honor,” I find myself doing the same in other relationships. Pretty sweet, huh?
How about you? If you’re dating (or have dated or hope to date someday) what do you think the goal is? How can you make sure you never lose again in a dating relationship—even when marriage isn’t a guarantee?
I’ve adapted this post from its original at: “How to Never Lose Again in a Dating Relationship.”
Paula (Hendricks) Marsteller is a compassionate, bold Christian communicator offering you gospel hope, thought-provoking questions, and practical help along the way.
You have discovered an excellent way to put this thought into words! Thank you. In the words of a favorite Hendricks of mine: May your tribe increase! “See, the goal in singleness and the goal in marriage isn’t as different as we make it out to be. The goal is learning to love another flawed human being with Christ’s unconditional love.”
May my tribe increase . . . why thank you, Merle! 🙂
So I was trying to find something on the internet that could expand on the meaning of “don’t awaken love until it so desires” and somehow landed on your blog. After reading a few of your posts, I feel like I’ve been eavesdropping on female conversations and am not sure if I’m supposed to be here or not…nevertheless, here I am:-)
This blog post left me wanting more; it is an interesting way to look at dating and I think a worthwhile one. I really like that the emphasis is taken off of marriage (lots of pressure) and put on love/honoring each other. Of course, just like there is a “fog of war” there is a certain “fog” in relationships; things never seem (at least for me) as clear as I would like in a relationship. But even if the goal of marriage can get blurry, the goal of honoring eachother is very clear and can help me decide what my next step should be. Good work!
Thanks, Jonathan! Yes, I write to girls/women, but guys are welcome to eavesdrop/comment as well. 🙂