Boy Crazy

Stop It!

By / Leave a Comment / Boy Crazy, The Gospel

Have you watched this video of Catherine’s visit to the psychologist?

 

 

The psychologist had just one piece of advice: STOP IT!

When I posted the “How Boy-Crazy Are You?” quiz last week, several of you wrote back with what would’ve been a great follow-up question for that psychologist: How do I stop? Here are a few of your questions:

This crush has really been standing in the way between me and loving Jesus wholeheartedly. Instead of trusting Him to satisfy my soul, I’m obsessing over this guy who may not even be my future husband and having a completely imaginary relationship with him. What should I do especially now that school is starting again? The more I see him, the more I think about him.
stop


How can I counteract these thoughts and feelings? I’ve tried but just can’t.

I’m trying to learn how to be God-crazy, but it’s really hard. I try to specifically give “him” back to God every time I find my heart longing for him, but it seems like every time I see him the feelings come washing back over me. It doesn’t help really that he’s the type of guy I think I’d want to marry someday. I know I’d be devastated if he started dating someone else. Is there anything more I can do to not let my heart belong to him?
 
Lately all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want a boyfriend. I don’t know how to shake it. Someone tell me how to change this!

Unlike the psychologist in this video, I have surprising news for you:

You can’t stop it!

If you’ve read chapter nine of my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, you know I was right where you were not long ago. I wanted desperately to fix myself—not ’cause I realized it was sin to give all my love to a “little g god” (guys) rather than to the “Big G God,”—but ’cause I was plain ‘ole sick of the pain.

So I tried to stop it. I busied myself. I ignored guys. I refused to hope (it’s safer that way). I lied to myself. I even journaled about becoming a nun:

Steve asked if I wanted to study with him and a few others at a coffee shop. I did and struggled so much. I know he’s getting together with Megan, but when I look in his eyes, I’m extremely attracted to him. He touches me, leans in when talking, and flirts. He tickled me and held out my coat for me to put my arm in. I want to scream at him to stop, but it’s my problem. I wish I could go to a convent and be a nun.

Since I didn’t know of any convents in the area, I turned to hate. After all, you can’t love someone when you’re busy hating them!

But all my attempts to stop it were like slapping a flimsy Band-Aid on a deep, gaping wound. Colossians 2:20–23 explains that boundaries and rules aren’t enough to stop me from doing wrong. On their own, they’re not capable of getting to the root issue—they don’t deal a deathblow to the old me.

The same is true for you. You can’t stop it. You can’t fix yourself. You can’t handle this on your own. Jesus says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, emphasis added). 

Do you believe that?

I realize this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. And I don’t want to leave you with no hope like that psychologist did for Catherine. Because there is hope! Even as I tell you that you can’t stop it, I believe with all my heart—and have personally experienced—that change is possible. No, you can’t fix who you are on your own, but God is in the business of transforming broken girls into beautiful trophies of His grace!

I want to unpack how God does this over the next few weeks with you. (I know, I know, you just want a quick fix. Be patient with me!) And if you absolutely can’t wait that long, pick up a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. In fact, I’ll give away another copy of the book if you’ll share about my book on your Facebook or Twitter account. Let me know here that you did so, and I’ll choose one winner at random on Monday, September 9.

Until then . . . stay away from that psychologist!

Les Miserables And The Relationship In My Head

By / Leave a Comment / Boy Crazy, Emotions

Last month my friend turned thirty, and a small group of us got together to celebrate her life and friendship. After a lovely dinner in an idyllic outdoor garden, we drove to the local civic theatre to watch the play Les Miserables.

Even though I’m familiar with the story, it wasn’t until I watched the play that I realized Eponine and I have something big in common.

When Eponine realizes Marius loves Cosette and not her, she sings the heartbreaking song “On My Own.” As the lyrics washed over me, I couldn’t help but think that Eponine must have read chapter six in my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.

Chapter six (“The Relationship in My Head”) is where I admit to the imaginary relationship I had for years with Caleb. Oh, for the longest time I didn’t realize it was in my head. But like Eponine, there came a moment of truth when I saw that my relationship with Caleb had never been anything more than a fantasy.

See what I mean as you read these excerpts from Eponine’s song. I’ve italicized the lines that especially point to her “imaginary relationship.”
in love

On My Own
. . . now the night is near
Now I can make believe he’s here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I’m happy
With the company I’m keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me . . .
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us

. . . every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending . . .

How about you? Can you relate? Are you counting on a relationship that’s only in your head? Here’s a short true/false quiz from my book to help you find out:

The “Is It in Your Head?” Quiz

  1. I talk about my crush more than I talk to him. (true/false)
  2. He’s never actually told me he likes me, but I have good reason to believe he does. (true/false)
  3. I constantly “collect evidence” to convince myself he likes me—smiles, laughter, words, and looks. (true/false)

If you answered true to some or all of these questions, you’re in danger of counting on a relationship that’s only in your head.

Let me know your answers below by Monday, August 26, and I’ll send one of you a copy of my new book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.

To read all about my relationship with Caleb—and also discover what a girl’s to do when she realizes (like Eponine and me) that a relationship is only in her head—order a copy of my book here.