“Are you drawn to other men after marriage? Does your heart still wander toward them?” Several of you have asked me variations of this question since I wrote Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, so I thought I’d answer publicly.
Attraction to other men is no longer the norm in my life. I ditched my desperate search for love when Trevor slipped a ring on my finger. Over the years, I’ve settled down—and into—his love. I no longer jump to attention when a guy walks into the room like I did as a single. I don’t survey the landscape to see who’s available.
However, every once in a while, attraction swoops in out of nowhere, surprising me like a sudden rainstorm on a bright, sunny day. It’s not the norm, but other men have piqued my interest since I married.
Is It Wrong to Be Drawn to Other Men After Marriage?
The same will probably prove true for you, too. God gave you eyes, and you’ll likely notice someone else who looks good or exhibits great kindness or [fill in the blank]. Scripture doesn’t condemn noticing; but coveting and lusting.
You can—and should—expect temptation from time to time. But, because of our great Savior, temptation doesn’t have to lead you to sin:
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, taht we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:15).
As a married woman, I still ask God to satisfy me with His love (Psalm 90:14) and to help my eyes look straight ahead (Provervs 4:25)–two habits I developed as a single. You, too, can always take the way of escape rather than starting down that slippery road:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Marriage Isn’t a Magic Pill That Cures Boy-Craziness
I share this with you to give you a heads-up: Marriage isn’t a magic pill you can pop to remedy your needy heart. Please don’t count on a husband to cure you of your boy-craziness, your porn addiction, your loneliness, or any other idol in your life.
Marriage is simply a covenant commitment for life to another sinner. And no fellow human can possibly save you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you’re single, do you expect to feel attraction toward others after marriage? What game plan can you implement now so you’re not taken off guard then?
A Brand-New Podcast Conversation About My Boy-Crazy Journey
I recently talked with Bethany Beal on The Girl Defined Show; I think you’ll enjoy our conversation. In it, I talk about:
- The different faces of boy-craziness,
- The hope I offer in Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl,
- How Trevor and I met as a result of my book, and even,
- A word to married women.
It’s so fun. 🎧 Listen on Apple Podcast, Google Podcasts, Spotify, or where ever you catch your podcasts.
Also, if you’re new to my site, you can:
- Subscribe to my blog, and I’ll send posts directly to your inbox.
- Order Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl.
- Download a free leader’s guide to Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl.
Paula (Hendricks) Marsteller is a compassionate, bold Christian communicator offering you gospel hope, thought-provoking questions, and practical help along the way.
