I have three girls ages seven, five, and two. And now I’m watching my nine-year-old niece who is crazy boy crazy. Like she couldn’t make a choice of paper color until “boy A” chose his . . . when she was in preschool!
I really want to be able to help so she can not be distracted by the cute boys or men she’s around. Do you have any advice? How can I help them think? How can I help them act? If it is a personal weakness, are there habits to instill that will help? Activities, shows, books to avoid? Anything you can think of would be appreciated. I will be reading your book and trying to see how to apply your wisdom to this job. Thanks and look forward to the read!
With fear and trembling—since when does a single girl know how to parent?!—I responded to her email. With her permission, I’d like to share our email exchange with you, as I’m quite certain she’s not the only mom out there wondering about this:
I love your heart for your girls (and your sister’s girl). God, would You please flood [her] with Your wisdom?
Truth be told, I’ve never been married or parented, so I feel rather unqualified to answer your questions. However, I can tell you this. Boy craziness is really just girl neediness. Boys will never ultimately fill the ache your girls feel inside for love. They were made by and for God, and nothing less will do.
While watching what they intake from culture will definitely help, their greatest need still remains repenting of their sin and falling in love with Jesus. I wish I’d been taught the truths found in Romans 6 when I was a young girl: that in Christ I am now dead to sin, alive to God, and in Christ Jesus.
Better than books, though, I’d encourage you to reach out to older women in your church for wisdom and mentoring. There is no overnight fix; just daily life-on-life as the girls grow and are constantly being taught in the teachable moments the Lord gives.
I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to be done dishing out parenting advice. But not for long! Shortly after I pushed send, Rebecca Ingram Powell asked to interview me for Lifeway’s ParentLife magazine. That’s right—a publication for parents of zero to twelve year olds!
Praying all the way, I thought more about parenting boy-crazy girls. And as I did, I began to wish I’d told this mom one main thing.
See, in my experience, kids pick up not so much what parents say but how they live. Kids are smart—they see through the veneer of what adults claim—and hope—to love to what truly captures their parents’ hearts.
Turns out the solution boy-crazy girls most need is the very thing moms of boy-crazy girls need. Both need to taste and see just how crazy good God really is. Both need to repent of the “little g” gods they worship and love the “big G” God with all their hearts.
Isn’t that how Moses instructed parents in Deuteronomy 6, after all? Just before he tells parents to teach God’s law diligently to their kids when they sit down, when they take walks, when they lie down, and when they get up, he says this:
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. (And then) You shall teach them diligently to your children . . .
If Christ is your treasure, mom, your life will light the way for your boy-crazy daughter. Because there really is only one way out of boy-craziness, and that is finding Someone to love even more than boys.
If you’ll share this post with another mom and leave a comment below letting me know you did, you might win a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. I’ll draw two winners at random on Friday, October 4.
2. In the areas where I do realize I need help, I think God will get fed up with me calling out for help again . . . and again . . . and again . . . and again . . .
But I heard Nancy say it. “Jehovah Ezer never gets tired of us calling out for help.”
What holds you back from asking for Jehovah Ezer’s help more often?
Did you know Jehovah Ezer is one of God’s names?! Jehovah Ezer, The Lord My Help. The One who helps me, supports me, comes to my aid, rescues me in my time of need. The One who comes running when I cry for help:
“There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his majesty” (Deut. 33:26).
But I have to make the call first. Nancy likened it to needing an ambulance. Just thinking about an ambulance doesn’t do anything—you have to dial 9–1–1 before one will come racing to your help.
So it is with our God who needs no one and nothing and yet delights in riding to our help. “Lord, I need You!” are some of the sweetest words to God’s ears, Nancy said.
So I’m curious. Am I the only one? If not, what holds you back from asking for Jehovah Ezer’s help more often?
I get how Liam, Niall, Harry, Zayn, and Louis melt your heart. I do. They’re sexy, they’re funny, and they’ve been coached by the very best to know just how to tug at your heartstrings.
They’re your life. You feel like they complete you. Like they’re perfect. Like they love you even though they’ve never met you.
I don’t know how to break this to you gently, but . . . it’s all one beautifully packaged lie.
The truth is, they don’t know you. They probably don’t even care about you—other than to be grateful in a vague sense that as one of their millions of fans you give them the attention and acceptance they crave.
See, ultimately, they’re no different than you. They, too, have an emptiness—a wild, restless craving to be loved and accepted.
So they get up on stage after stage to sing songs someone else wrote that play to your insecurities and send your emotions soaring and your tears falling. And then they walk off the stage and probably never think about you twice . . . or at least not in a way that’s in your best interest.
It’s not that I take pleasure in deflating your world. It’s just that I know One Direction won’t always be there for you. Like every other band in history, they will be replaced. Like every other human in history, they will die.
That’s what I want for you. That you’ll turn from your idol and worship and serve your Creator rather than One Direction—so you can experience true joy. That you will personalize His promises the way you’ve personalized One Directions’ lyrics. Promises no boy band could ever fulfill like:
Have you watched this video of Catherine’s visit to the psychologist?
The psychologist had just one piece of advice: STOP IT!
When I posted the “How Boy-Crazy Are You?” quiz last week, several of you wrote back with what would’ve been a great follow-up question for that psychologist: How do I stop? Here are a few of your questions:
This crush has really been standing in the way between me and loving Jesus wholeheartedly. Instead of trusting Him to satisfy my soul, I’m obsessing over this guy who may not even be my future husband and having a completely imaginary relationship with him. What should I do especially now that school is starting again? The more I see him, the more I think about him.
How can I counteract these thoughts and feelings? I’ve tried but just can’t.
I’m trying to learn how to be God-crazy, but it’s really hard. I try to specifically give “him” back to God every time I find my heart longing for him, but it seems like every time I see him the feelings come washing back over me. It doesn’t help really that he’s the type of guy I think I’d want to marry someday. I know I’d be devastated if he started dating someone else. Is there anything more I can do to not let my heart belong to him?
Lately all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want a boyfriend. I don’t know how to shake it. Someone tell me how to change this!
Unlike the psychologist in this video, I have surprising news for you:
So I tried to stop it. I busied myself. I ignored guys. I refused to hope (it’s safer that way). I lied to myself. I even journaled about becoming a nun:
Steve asked if I wanted to study with him and a few others at a coffee shop. I did and struggled so much. I know he’s getting together with Megan, but when I look in his eyes, I’m extremely attracted to him. He touches me, leans in when talking, and flirts. He tickled me and held out my coat for me to put my arm in. I want to scream at him to stop, but it’s my problem. I wish I could go to a convent and be a nun.
Since I didn’t know of any convents in the area, I turned to hate. After all, you can’t love someone when you’re busy hating them!
But all my attempts to stop it were like slapping a flimsy Band-Aid on a deep, gaping wound. Colossians 2:20–23 explains that boundaries and rules aren’t enough to stop me from doing wrong. On their own, they’re not capable of getting to the root issue—they don’t deal a deathblow to the old me.
The same is true for you. You can’t stop it. You can’t fix yourself. You can’t handle this on your own. Jesus says,
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, emphasis added).
Do you believe that?
I realize this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. And I don’t want to leave you with no hope like that psychologist did for Catherine. Because there is hope! Even as I tell you that you can’t stop it, I believe with all my heart—and have personally experienced—that change is possible. No, you can’t fix who you are on your own, but God is in the business of transforming broken girls into beautiful trophies of His grace!
I want to unpack how God does this over the next few weeks with you. (I know, I know, you just want a quick fix. Be patient with me!) And if you absolutely can’t wait that long, pick up a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. In fact, I’ll give away another copy of the book if you’ll share about my book on your Facebook or Twitter account. Let me know here that you did so, and I’ll choose one winner at random on Monday, September 9.
Until then . . . stay away from that psychologist!
“Stop It!” was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.
Back in April, my sweet friend Pat pre-ordered Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom just as soon as I let her know she could do so. Being the thrifty woman she is, she also purchased 12 pounds of rice to take advantage of the “Free Super Saver Shipping” on orders over $25.
Experience assured Pat that Amazon’s superior customer service antennae would realize my book wouldn’t be out for several months and would send Pat her rice within the week.
But a month later, the rice still hadn’t arrived.
When Pat realized she wouldn’t be receiving her rice until September 1, she went ahead and ordered another 25 pounds. She had just started to put a dent in the rice when she opened her door one hot July day to 12 pounds of rice. Tucked in the box was the following note,
“We thought you’d like to know that we shipped this portion of your order separately to give you quicker service.”
Thirty-seven pounds of rice rich, Pat messaged me,
“I will begin to research luscious rice recipes for your book launch party in September.”
And here it is—September 1—book launch day! I don’t know if the book launch party will materialize, but here’s what I do know. You can now order Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom without any fear of a sticky pre-ordering rice run-in!