Don’t think you’re boy-crazy? You just might be surprised.
Take the Boy-Crazy Quiz
Take the Boy-Crazy Quiz to find out where your focus is. Simply answer “yes” or “no” to these thirteen questions.
In a room full of people, do you always know where “he” is? (yes/no)
Are boys your number-one favorite topic of conversation with your friends? (yes/no)
Do you often dress to catch a guy’s attention? (yes/no)
Do you replace one crush with another almost as soon as you realize the first relationship is not going anywhere? (yes/no)
Have you asked a guy out? (yes/no)
Do you have your eye on more than one guy at a time? (yes/no)
Do you believe you’d finally be completely happy if you had a boyfriend? (yes/no)
Do you change your schedule or plans in order to bump into him? (yes/no)
Do you tend to have more guy friends than girlfriends? (yes/no)
When you’re relaxing with a good book, movie, or song, do you pick those that are filled with ooey-gooey romance? (yes/no)
If you journal or pray, are your pages or prayers filled with thoughts and requests about guys? (yes/no)
Are you always trying to figure out which guys like you? (yes/no)
Would you be willing to get a total makeover for a guy? Not the hair, make-up, and new-clothes kind, but the “I’ll change who I am at my core if that’s what it takes to get you” kind? (yes/no)
Where to Go from Here
If you answered “yes” to several or all of these questions, that says something important about your heart. It clues you in to what your heart loves. What your heart fears, even. Do your answers point to you being more crazy about your Creator God or about guys?
Speaking from experience, boy-craziness is a road that will ultimately lead to heartache and loss (Ps. 16:4). True joy and freedom, on the other hand, are found in God’s presence (Ps. 16:11).
We’re giving away three copies of Confessions today. To enter to win one, log on to the giveaway widget and then leave a comment below by Valentine’s Day, letting me know what you learned from taking this quiz.
In the meantime, let’s continue this conversation. Over the next couple of days, we’re going to explore two questions:
Sounds great, right? But a few wise people encouraged me to have someone else respond to guys on my behalf, and I wrote and posted the following message on the contact page of my website:
A note for the guys:
Sorry, gents, I know I just put myself out there as a boy-crazy girl, but the purpose of this site isn’t to find a guy. I’m sorry I won’t be responding to personal inquiries—too busy investing in the girls.
I knew my advisors were right. As much as I wanted to get married someday, that wasn’t why I wrote Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. So I “set my face like a flint” and continued investing in teen girls.
I instantly noticed that he had 1,000 followers and a blog where he’d done book reviews in the past. I was still hard at work marketing my book (contrary to popular belief, your work is just getting started once you finish a manuscript!). At the time, I was reaching out to bloggers, asking if I could send them a free copy of Confessions in exchange for an honest review.
So of course, I direct messaged Trevor, asking if he’d consider reading and writing a review of my book. He responded the same day, and our friendship began. He wrote a wonderful review of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, and we began to message each other on Facebook where we weren’t limited by 140 characters.
He seemed to be as busy as me, so there was more than once where a couple weeks passed with no Facebook messages, and I was certain our conversation would fizzle out (after all, that’s how the script had always gone!).
But somehow we kept talking, and after about four months, Trevor sent me the following message. (He had vacation days he needed to use up, and he’d been considering driving to Minneapolis for the Desiring God Conference.)
I wanna shoot something by you and hear your thoughts. I was thinking, “Ya know what, Desiring God posts all of their content for free from all of their conferences, and I have been to their conferences before, and I know what the experience is like. So maybe I don’t need to drive all the way out to MN. But I certainly wouldn’t mind taking a vacation in September before my vacation time expires, and one very real option is to visit this Paula girl.” So, idk, those are some super general and preliminary thoughts, but what do ya think? Is southern MI a visit-worthy place? And will or will I not consume all of the chicken at the Chick-Fil-As in southern Michigan?
Eeeeeeee! I responded,
This Paula girl thinks that’s one of the best ideas she’s heard in a long time! MI is a swell place to vacation; an even better place to live. Let me put together a list of ideas for you and see what you think.
I was excited. I liked him. Of course I did! But still, I didn’t know if he liked me as anything more than a friend. Maybe he just thought it was cool to message an “author.” I couldn’t read him. Besides, experience had taught me that I shouldn’t ever assume a guy liked me until he specifically told me so himself.
And lest you think I never struggled again after writing Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, let me share a journal entry I wrote before Trevor visited:
Wow, God. Thank You for showing me Yourself just now as I spent time in Philippians 2 reading about how I was to “count others more significant than myself” and “look not only to my own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
After reading this I grabbed my phone and went out to weed my garden. I checked and saw that Trevor was “active now” on Facebook, so I started a conversation with him about his hunting safety course.
He responded to my questions, but he didn’t ask me any to keep the conversation going. So I stopped the conversation and got back to weeding, feeling stupid and unloved.
I wasn’t counting him more significant than me. I never even considered that he might be in a conversation with someone else or . . .
How I need Your grace, Abba, to put on the mind of Christ and make myself nothing and serve Trevor without expecting anything in return. Maybe he legitimately just wants to be my friend and nothing more.
I recognize now that I’ll gladly host him on his vacation (and mine) IF he makes me feel attractive and interesting. But if he’s just not that into me, I’ll resent him and everything I plan and do for and with him.
What if this is not Your man for me? What if You want me to humble myself as You humbled Yourself and serve him as You served me, demanding nothing in return?
Ouch, ouch, ouch! Suddenly this passage became intensely personal. Oh God, thanks for humbling Yourself and obeying Your Father so You might save this proud, proud girl. Make me like Your beautiful self. Catch me up in the romance with You, not with a mere mortal.
With that I asked my close friends to pray with me that I would love Trevor well by showing him a great vacation—without expecting anything in return. I knew that apart from God’s power that would be impossible for me.
Then I journaled,
Trevor comes this week. Do you have something there beyond friendship? Lead me so clearly, Good, Kind Shepherd.
And oh, how He did. Check back tomorrow to read about Trevor’s visit.
Someone asked me if I’d write about my journey from “boy-crazy to my man.” (If you haven’t heard, I’m getting married!)
I didn’t respond to this person’s request for a while, because I was hesitant to share my “love story.” Not because I’m not excited. Boy howdy, I am!
It’s just that I remember all too well how I used to ask married and engaged couples, “How did you get together?!” I’d lean in, soaking in every word, listening attentively to learn the secret.
As they’d share the details of their story, my hopes would rise or fall based on how similar my current circumstances were to theirs (as if God only has one love story script!).
That’s why I want to be careful about how I share this story with you. I don’t want you to hear, “I finally got a guy who stuck around . . . so surely there’s hope for you!”
‘Cause speaking of hope . . . I’ve noticed that lots of you are struggling not to give up hope.
Emily titled her email to me, “Is there any hope at all?” Here’s an excerpt:
My single girlfriends and I grew up in wonderful Christian homes where strong godly marriages were modeled, and we grew up dreaming of being wives and moms someday. We never dated around or tried to attract attention to ourselves and have even been told by lots of people that they don’t understand why we are still single. Neither do we!
I think the reason that we still struggle with boy-craziness is simply out of desperation. It’s not like we each have a hoard of guys hovering around us, and we just have to pick one. Nope, there really aren’t any guys—at all.
So whenever there is the smallest inkling of hope, we promptly do the “spiritual” thing and start praying for him every day, conniving ways to be where he is and give him a chance to observe us in a group setting, and get our hopes up . . . only to be disappointed when there really wasn’t much of anything there in the first place. It’s terrible.
Emily says it’s terrible because there are two kinds of hope—and she has the wrong kind.
I realized that there are two kinds of hope the day I read 1 Peter 1. Check out verses three and thirteen:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead . . .
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
As I read about the “living hope” we have because Christ has been raised from the dead, I realized that there are also “dead hopes.”
And although I’m commanded to “set my hope fully on the grace that will be mine when Jesus returns for me,” I realize that much of the time I set my hope on so much less: a relationship or success or [fill in the blank].
There is hope—not because you’re currently surrounded by hoards of Christian guys (or even one!), not because you’re the most beautiful girl in your circle of friends (or a close second!)—but because Jesus Christ is returning for you, and you will live forever with Him.
There is hope. But there are two kinds: the dead kind and the living kind. Which kind do you have? (You’ll know by thinking about what sends your emotions soaring . . . or plummeting.) What specifically are you setting your hope on? I’d love to hear.
If you can see that yours is a dead hope, dig into 1 Peter 1. As you do, ask God to lift your eyes from your present situation to Him. Repent of (turn from) your dead hopes, and ask Him to help you begin to set your hope fully on Christ, your Living Hope.
Confession: I usually resist the latest fad for at least a couple years. Then when it’s seriously ooold news, I finally give in.
Like colored jeans. I just got my first (red) pair a couple weeks ago. (I really wanted a yellow pair, but that’s beside the point . . .)
Same goes for technology.
Confession: I’ve never read an eBook. Never.
But . . . my eBook, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, is on sale for just $2.99 through December 16!
That meant I needed to do my homework. Bear with me as I share what I learned:
Kindle is Amazon’s eBook reader. Nookis Barnes & Noble’s eBook reader.
Even iTunes has an eBook reader called iBook!
Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom is available on all three (Kindle, Nook, and iBook) for just $2.99 through Monday.
I’m writing this silly post for two reasons:
To let you know about this steal-of-a-deal, because you probably started reading eBooks (and buying colored jeans!) eons ago.
To ask how you prefer to read. Are you an old-fashioned girl like me who enjoys breathing in the smell of a new (or old) book, or are you all about the ease of the eBook? If so, which reader is your fave? I’m curious.
Turned out, God knew what He was doing. (He always does!) While Revive Our Hearts is a national radio program, Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a friend, and it’s so much easier to share freely with a good friend, don’t you agree?
As soon as we started talking, all apprehension lifted. For three hours we talked like friends do, and then we turned out the studio lights and went back to normal life. I did a few more book interviews, heard the editors were tweaking and the transcriptionists were transcribing . . . and now, here it is!
Oh, and I have one more copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl to give away! Enter to win by listening to today’s Revive Our Hearts program, sharing the link with a friend, and then letting me know you did so below. The winner will be drawn at random on Monday, October 21.
Finally, I’m posting some bonus audio just for you. Nancy and I recorded it that day in the studio, but you won’t hear it on the ROH program. Listen to these six minutes to hear about the behind-the-scenes writing of the book—the how, the why, and more.
Back in April, my sweet friend Pat pre-ordered Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom just as soon as I let her know she could do so. Being the thrifty woman she is, she also purchased 12 pounds of rice to take advantage of the “Free Super Saver Shipping” on orders over $25.
Experience assured Pat that Amazon’s superior customer service antennae would realize my book wouldn’t be out for several months and would send Pat her rice within the week.
But a month later, the rice still hadn’t arrived.
When Pat realized she wouldn’t be receiving her rice until September 1, she went ahead and ordered another 25 pounds. She had just started to put a dent in the rice when she opened her door one hot July day to 12 pounds of rice. Tucked in the box was the following note,
“We thought you’d like to know that we shipped this portion of your order separately to give you quicker service.”
Thirty-seven pounds of rice rich, Pat messaged me,
“I will begin to research luscious rice recipes for your book launch party in September.”
And here it is—September 1—book launch day! I don’t know if the book launch party will materialize, but here’s what I do know. You can now order Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom without any fear of a sticky pre-ordering rice run-in!
My goal in each chapter is to point readers to Jesus.
While the book is technically written for young teens, women of all ages have told me they love it. I think that’s because ultimately, it’s so much more than a teen book about boy craziness.
It’s a story about looking to “little g” gods (idols) to satisfy what only the “Big G” God can. While this book’s particular backdrop is boy craziness, it could just as well be a book about overeating, or looking to your husband or career for your worth, or . . . fill in the blank with your idol of choice.
My goal in each chapter is to point readers to Jesus. In Confessions, I cover everything from who you are in Christ to how to beat sin through the Holy Spirit in you.
PS: Would you pray for me today? I have my first book radio interview with Miss Nancy Leigh DeMoss from 1:30–4:30 p.m. How I need God to give me His words and strength and just the right mix of compassion and boldness, transparency and truth. Thank you!
Last month my friend turned thirty, and a small group of us got together to celebrate her life and friendship. After a lovely dinner in an idyllic outdoor garden, we drove to the local civic theatre to watch the play LesMiserables.
Even though I’m familiar with the story, it wasn’t until I watched the play that I realized Eponine and I have something big in common.
Chapter six (“The Relationship in My Head”) is where I admit to the imaginary relationship I had for years with Caleb. Oh, for the longest time I didn’t realize it was in my head. But like Eponine, there came a moment of truth when I saw that my relationship with Caleb had never been anything more than a fantasy.
See what I mean as you read these excerpts from Eponine’s song. I’ve italicized the lines that especially point to her “imaginary relationship.”
On My Own
. . . now the night is near Now I can make believe he’s here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping I think of him and then I’m happy
With the company I’m keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
On my own Pretending he’s beside me
All alone I walk with him till morning
Without him I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me . . .
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us
. . . every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending . . .
How about you? Can you relate? Are you counting on a relationship that’s only in your head? Here’s a short true/false quiz from my book to help you find out:
The “Is It in Your Head?” Quiz
I talk about my crush more than I talk to him. (true/false)
He’s never actually told me he likes me, but I have good reason to believe he does. (true/false)
I constantly “collect evidence” to convince myself he likes me—smiles, laughter, words, and looks. (true/false)
If you answered true to some or all of these questions, you’re in danger of counting on a relationship that’s only in your head.
To read all about my relationship with Caleb—and also discover what a girl’s to do when she realizes (like Eponine and me) that a relationship is only in her head—order a copy of my book here.