3 Reasons I Said “Yes!” to Marrying Him

3 Reasons I Said “Yes!” to Marrying Him

All week I’ve enjoyed sharing my journey from “boy-crazy to my man” with you. Thanks for being interested in the love story God scripted for us! If you’ve missed the first three parts to this story, you can read them here:

It wasn’t always easy, getting to where we are today. There were lots of ups and downs; many times I wondered if we’d make it. But my doubts never lasted long. I think this journal entry will explain why:

It seems our relationship is characterized by the most important things: Christ; communication that’s open, humble, loving, and excellent; and community. I couldn’t move forward without a single one of these.

1. Relationship Secret #1: Christ

Trevor and I are fairly different, but Jesus Christ truly is the foundation of our relationship, which is more than enough common ground. Here are two entries from my journal to give you a taste of how Trevor has consistently pointed me to Christ rather than away from Him:

Trevor prayed last night, thanking God for bringing us together from so far apart, asking that in some small way we could reflect the gospel to those around us. I realized that when I asked friends to pray that I’d enjoy God and I’d enjoy Trevor, I didn’t see those two as intersecting at all. To me, romance has always been something to hide from God, not something to share with God and thank Him for and revel in Him. (How wrong I was!)

And one more entry, from a visit I made to New York:

We played “What Am I Thinking” and “Would You Rather.” His options were hilarious. Then he asked if we wanted to pray through the Lord’s Prayer. It was hard for me to turn my mind toward worshiping God, but so sweet and needed.”

2. Relationship Secret #2: Communication

Trevor and I have had excellent communication. Sure, starting out long distance helped. Talking was our only option, other than a monthly visit. But it’s more than that.

Mostly it’s been Trevor’s humble responses and probing questions that have given me more and more courage to share openly with him. I can’t tell you how huge this has been in my life; until Trevor, I always “held back.” Here’s one example from my journal, about a Skype conversation:

As were were about to go, I asked Trevor if he’d pray for me. I got teary. I told him I was kinda anxious about his visit . . . His response was beautiful . . . He asked if there was more.

I didn’t want to tell him, but I admitted that I worry I might be getting into a relationship with an angry man. He responded amazingly and thoughtfully.

He said he was sorry multiple times.
That I didn’t deserve that.
That he didn’t want me to have to have any caution flags with him.
That he would be repenting of his sin.
That he’s still growing out of selfishly thinking his sin only impacts him and the person he’s sinned against.

He said he already has some action ideas for what to do next. And he said a lot, “Anything I say feels worthless ’til you see some change.” Although he’s also confessed he’s a sinner and this will probably be a life-long process, but he didn’t want that to be an excuse.

Trevor has modeled humility time and time again in our conversations. He has also not hidden sin from me, but confessed it. As a result, I trust him—with my inmost thoughts, fears, and struggles.

3. Relationship Secret #3: Community

The fact that Trevor is so deeply rooted in community has given me great confidence. He loves his local church body. In addition to running sound, playing guitar, and doing their books, he leads a small group and participates in a discipleship group an elder leads. Because he’s surrounded himself with people, I’ve been able to hear from others who have known Trevor a lot longer than I have what they think of him. (That’s invaluable as a girl considers marriage!)

From the start Trevor was intentional about introducing me to his friends (he even tried to get some girls to host a girls’ night while I was in town!). This has meant that when I moved to New York a couple months ago (to live with a family from his church until our wedding day), I’ve had instant community through the relationships he’s already built.

We’ve also been able to do premarital counseling with an elder/counselor, and get a wise, outside perspective on our relationship.

All three of these C’s—Christ, communication, and community—caused me to joyfully and confidently said “yes!” when Trevor got down on one knee this past April and read me a Shakespearean sonnet he’d written:

. . . I journeyed far to gain this precious rose,
By land and air through darkness deep inside.
I’ll carry her through thorns and fears below,
Held by His hand in raging storms and tides.

The rising Day will banish soon the night,
Sojourn with me ’til then, and be my wife.

How about you? Would you ever consider marrying a man without Christ, communication, and community being a part of your relationship? Why or why not?

Then, check back tomorrow for a wrap-up to this series as well as a chance to win a copy of my book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.

3 Reasons I Said “Yes!” to Marrying Him was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.

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  • This was the sweetest story. It also reminded me of what I’m looking for in my husband, and I need that! Paula, these past 4 blog posts have been such a help. Thanks!

    • phendricks

      I’m so glad, Victoria!

  • John Cook

    Paula, thank you for sharing. I am grateful to see how God has led you to the most amazing man you could ask for. Christ ALWAYS needs to be number 1. I am so encouraged by how you found a man who loves you so much. As much as I have known you for a long time, something about Trevor you said really spoke to me. As I went through my own divorce, and after realizing what I did in my own marriage, it makes me a broken man. When God breaks us, He changes us. It is a life transforming experience, and God works in our lives. If you were to ask me 4 years ago who I was, I would say I was a man that didn’t love his wife like I should have. But now as I grow and have been encouraged in the church I belong to, it shows how far the Lord brought me to TOTALLY trust and rely on His grace to change me as I filter my heart’s sins through His Word daily. Thank you for sharing about Trevor’s willingness to continue to repent and listen. I pray by the grace of God that I would one day for a second chance at marriage. One thing that elders and men in my church said to me was, John, if you are daily in God’s Word, you will be the best husband and father your wife and children could ever ask for. At first, I didn’t believe it, but as I do grow in His Word, I have seen how even my former wife is now being more open to working with me as the father of our daughter. I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me, but I know it is good! He is Faithful! Thank you for sharing your journey with Trevor. Trevor’s testimony speaks to me.

    • Glsmith

      John, I certainly believe exactly what you have written. I too went through a divorce 3 years ago after 19 years. It was not something I wanted but now that I am where I am I believe God is blessing me 3 fold. I am much happier, I believe it is better for my 3 children, and I am building a much deeper relationship with God than I had before. We co-parent very well which most do not understand heck I don’t understand, but I believe that is what God has done for us, to do what is right for our children. I also believe that when and if God brings another relationship into my life it will be much more than I could ever ask for because both he and I will put God first. Blessings Gretchen

    • phendricks

      That is so encouraging, John, to hear that you see a difference in the way your ex-wife relates to you since you’ve been pursuing God wholeheartedly. Wow!

  • Tanya

    Hi Paula,

    1stly blessings to you and your family and congratulations on your engagement. I could not help to smile while reading this blog. I too absolutely agree on the 3 C’s you mentioned. I was engaged and broke it off about 4 months ago…. As I captured my journal entry today, I further realized that besides many underlying personal issues that headed towards a divorce, my main reason for breaking up with my ex was due to the relationship pushing me away from my relationship with our Lord and Savior. My ex and I are both Christians (and put God 1st or so we thought) and in the beginning we were both excited to spend the rest of our lives together for what we thought were the right reasons. I now realized we had one major connector in common which I thought would be enough – JESUS CHRIST. I was more of the outgoing person and I love being around positive spiritually influential people including serving in a church ministry. He was more so into work and school as he had stopped hanging out with certain friends before meeting me. It was weird as he sort of an introvert yet I realized he was becoming arrogant and aggressive. Everything was all good for the 1st year. Fast forward: more than 70% through marriage counseling and as the wedding neared, he reverted back to his single ways. The disrespect and lack of communication was unbearable. I fell confused and like I was losing connection with God…. I stayed for a few more months, prayed and pleaded. Yet I had to remember to totally rely on God and allow His Will to be done. I realized that love does not hurt as that is not what God has intended for us….. Now I embark on the journey of restoration through Christ in order to share my testimony and save a life. I still believe in God’s love and marriage. It was just my lesson and I fully embrace it…. My favorite quote: If I didn’t know what I wanted in a Christian relationship/marriage, I know now! 🙂

    I am happy to see that you and Trevor are a testimony to God’s true love and BOTH of you working out your human trials. Also, I’m glad Trevor encourages you closer to Christ as it is very important as Trevor’s emphasizing the importance of your salvation and relationship with God…. God bless you Paula and NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE 3 C’S (Chris always being 1st). Keep sharing your journey to inspire love back into someone’s life.

    XOXO Tanya

    • phendricks

      Dear Tanya,

      I am SO proud of you. From what I’ve seen, it’s so much better to be lonely as a single than lonely in a marriage.

      May the Lord continue to bind up your wounds and bring you great joy in the morning! (Ps. 30:5).

      paula