When You’re Just Not Beautiful Enough to Keep His Attention

When You’re Just Not Beautiful Enough to Keep His Attention

This post is adapted from a very personal prayer I wrote in my journal some time back. I think you’ll be able to relate! Just by way of a disclaimer: this post is not written for guys. It’s important that men speak into other men’s lives about being faithful to the women in their lives in their glances (and mostly their second glances!), their thoughts, and their actions.

How I need You, Abba.

I don’t normally think about things like this, but I don’t have toned thighs, and suddenly I’m aware that he would probably like that.

I think it all started when I asked him how he’s most often tempted and what he does about it. He told me he wasn’t too keen on sharing details, but he said the standard things you hear guys struggle with are true, beginning with idolizing outer beauty.

That was hard to hear. He’s not immune to the struggles of men. And with that admission entered a flood of insecurities. (Wait, they were already there, weren’t they?)

Here’s another guy who won’t find me beautiful enough.

I’m not enough.

But then . . .

No woman is enough to capture the gaze of one man for every second of her short stay on earth. Because no man, apart from Jesus Christ, is 100% faithful. And no man is immune to all beauty but mine.

I think the root issue is actually mine: wanting a created man to validate me and tell me I’m “enough,” when only Christ is enough . . . for me and for him.

Yes, I want to “cultivate my garden” for my future hubby to enjoy, but I don’t want to chain him to a leash and insist he never leave my garden without a blindfold and a seeing eye dog.

So I wonder . . . Will You be enough for me, God, when I am not enough for my man? Because if not, doesn’t that prove that I am not living as if Your love, approval, and delight is enough for me?

And didn’t You love me—freely, lavishly—when I was captivated by others’ beauty? Didn’t You love me without insisting that I keep my eyes on You or else Your love would be withdrawn?

So help me pray for my man and forgive my man’s occasional wandering gaze and not expect him to be more than a man. Because that’s Your job, re-forming him ’til he’s just like You.

Only You can do this, God, ’cause You know me. I’m the woman who naturally keeps track of every glance and suspects ill motive behind each one. But You don’t keep track of my sins. You’ve removed them as far as the east is from the west.

Thank You for exposing the idolatry in my heart. I think the root issue is actually mine: wanting a created man to validate me and tell me I’m “enough,” when only Christ is enough . . . for me and for him.

How about you? Do you expect your future boyfriend/husband to never ever so much as even look at another woman? How do you think you’ll react if and when he does notice another beautiful woman?

I pray we’ll be women secure enough in God’s love that instead of seeking to “imprison” our men and keep them from noticing any other beautiful woman, that instead we help do battle with our men through love, prayer, and confidence in Christ.

When You’re Just Not Beautiful Enough to Keep His Attention” was originally posted on LiesYoungWomenBelieve.com.

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  • Merle

    Thank you, Paula. Once again, you have written a very thoughtful and poignant article. Keep up the good work! I’d like to say something to the men who may be listening in. We men, do have a responsibility to cultivate a climate of loving acceptance and contentment with the woman God has given or may give to us. (Proverbs 5:18-20, 1Peter 3:7) Men, yes it is possible to to remain satisfied with the beauty of your wife as time passes, but you MUST cultivate it and ask God for knowledge of what true beauty is. While I am single, I remain changed in my thinking in this area by a statement that Billy Graham made at his wife’s funeral. I remember listening to the live radio broadcast on WMBI in 2007. Billy wasn’t scheduled to speak, but he stood to thank the attendees and said: “Ruth was an incredible woman, I wish you could look into her casket because she is so beautiful…” Billy didn’t say “was so beautiful”, he said “is so beautiful”. She was 87 years old. Now really, how many of us men find our eye being caught by a woman of that age? But Billy did. He recognized a beauty that not only came from outward appearance,but inward as well (1Peter 3:3-4). In their case it was cultivated for over 60 years! So men, take the Lord at His promise to grow a heart of overwhelming contentment and desire towards you wife (now or future) as you follow Him and grow in your personal walk with Christ.

    • phendricks

      Beautiful. Thanks for sharing Mr. Graham’s story, Merle.

  • This is so so good. Thanks Paula. Really needed this today!

    • phendricks

      I’m so glad, Victoria. God is good.