To Kiss or Not to Kiss?

To Kiss or Not to Kiss

I’ve started a new tradition when I speak—collecting girls’ deepest questions on index cards (that way no one knows who the questions belong to). This last time it seemed nearly every girl wanted to know about kissing.

  • “Is kissing guys prior to marriage okay?”
  • “Your opinions on kissing before marriage.”
  • “What is your viewpoint on kissing before your wedding day?”

Well, for the record, I’ve done it—kissed a guy before marriage. Three, actually. And we’re not talking just a peck on the cheek.

I’ve realized God didn’t love me any less when I kissed guys as a young teen, and God doesn’t love me any more since I’ve stopped kissing guys.

However, it’s been fifteen years since my last kiss. That’s right. I kissed for the last time on my sixteenth birthday.

Don’t cheer for me too soon, though. I stopped for all the wrong reasons.

I stopped kissing because in my mind, no kissing = “doing the God thing.” I thought I’d make His VIP list ’cause of my commitment. Since then, I’ve realized God didn’t love me any less when I kissed guys as a young teen, and God doesn’t love me any more since I’ve stopped kissing guys.

Well, if that’s true, does that mean I can just pucker up and kiss any ole’ guy I want to kiss?

Nope. Romans 2:4 tells me God’s grace is meant to lead me to repentance.

Today I have five very different reasons for not kissing:

  1. I want to “kiss the Son(Ps. 2:12). I don’t literally and physically kiss God (God is Spirit, after all). But my desire is to pursue and exalt God as my greatest treasure—to “kiss” Him through the way I think about and draw near to and obey Him.
  2. I know myself. Kissing just leaves a girl wanting more (at least this one!). If I date in the future, I hope to stay as far away from kissing as possible this side of the altar. I don’t know that I’ll make it (sounds tougher than running a marathon!), but by God’s grace, I will choose to love and not lust after my boyfriend from the start.
  3. I’m not married yet. While I can’t go back and erase my past, I can start new! I’d love to save all my kisses from sweet sixteen on for my future husband as a gift. Once (or rather “if”) I marry, that’ll be the time to be extravagantly generous with my kisses.
  4. I’m brand new (2 Cor. 5:17). God has cleaned me up and declared me holy through Jesus’ righteous record. I choose to live in light of who I am. For me, this doesn’t begin with staying away from kissing—it happens long before, as I control my thoughts rather than letting them control me. I don’t struggle with not kissing in real life ’cause I’m not fantasizing about kissing in my thought life anymore.
  5. I have God’s Holy Spirit living in me, which means I finally have power for holy living (yippee!). I no longer have to be controlled by my desires; I get to control my desires by tapping into the Spirit’s self-control (Gal. 5:22–23). So thankful I have some help!

How about you? Why are you saving—or spending—your kisses this side of the altar? I’d love to hear your reason(s).

To Kiss or Not to Kiss?” was originally posted on

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  • Smiley times Happy

    O my gosh, Paula. This is just what I needed to read today. I was debating with myself whether I should save the rest of my kisses for my wedding day. I have already been kissed before and wasn’t sure it meant anything to save ’em. Thank you for writing this!

    • phendricks

      You are so welcome, R. Thanks for reading it. If you’re in Christ, you’re brand-new now! (2 Cor. 5:16) The old is gone, the new has come. 🙂

  • abigail fuss

    I don’t want to kiss before marriage because of reason #2. I know myself. No, I’ve never had a boyfriend, no, I’ve never kissed a guy. But I know myself. I know that that would just be unnecessary temptation in my life that I don’t need.
    Also, I would think that when you’re in a relationship, it’s easier to keep a clear mind and focus on Christ when kissing isn’t a distraction.
    Thanks for sharing your heart, Paula!

    • phendricks

      I would have to agree with you on that, Abigail! Sounds like you have a good head on you. 🙂

  • Raia Torn

    Thanks for sharing, Paula. I’m going to relay these reasons to my girls, even though they’re only in 2nd grade. We can’t start this training too soon the way our society is going…

    • phendricks

      Wow, thanks, Raia, for not burying your head in the sand! Praying for your girls now.

      • Raia Torn

        Thanks, Paula!